Jerry, you need to find god
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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