Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
