is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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