he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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