I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
