I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
