i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
