my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
