I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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