so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
