dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize