Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sorry about my life...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
