After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
