If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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