This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
