i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When are your genitals available?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
