I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
