just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
