i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
