so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
