Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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