i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
