I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Boobs speak an international language.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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