just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My vagina is very pro this idea
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
