mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
