A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
