I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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