chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
