he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
