Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
