Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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