WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
