Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
