we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
