it wasn't lemon gatorade
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
