i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
