If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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