you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
