I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
