you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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