You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
