I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
