i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
