My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
