What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
