if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
