you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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