I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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