i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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