JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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